Peacock in the Office

Oh my … it will be a long day.

I work in an open office where there are no cubicles or walls. The only windows look down onto the shop floor. So, I hear everyone’s chatter, whether they are talking to customers or to each other. Usually, the chatter is background noise and I can concentrate on my work.

However, there are two people in this office that don’t fade into background noise. They are the Owner Narcissist and the Service Narcissist. It must be something about their voice frequency that moves through my ear drums and I can’t get their voices out of my head. It becomes very difficult to concentrate on the work.

One of the few ways I cope is to plug in the ear buds and turn on the iTunes. Lately I’ve been fascinated with the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Stadium Arcadium. It sort of reminds me of the Beatles’ White Album for some reason.

There is a new service person in the office. So, the Service Narcissist is on stage to dazzle the rookie service technician with his intelligence and knowledge. He is like a peacock, fanning his tail features to attract a mate and intimidate others. He raged when the first service call of the day rang up saying he was too busy ‘catching up’ since he was out of the office for two days this week. He then talked for 15 minutes about airlines and car rentals.

I put in the ear buds to drown him out. I have to keep the volume high to do so as his voice invades the ear buds too. Maybe there is a scientist who can do a study on this man’s voice. Certainly there is something unusual about it.

Yet, I seem to be the only one in this office who finds it difficult to drown out his voice. I don’t know why. Maybe the same scientist should do a study on me.

Time Lapse of the overhead sky. Taken by Dave 0 on July 8. 2021 with the Nikon W300.

On Being Indecisive

I have been indecisive my entire life. In the mundane things and in the greater things. Maybe it holds me back and has held me back but none-the-less, I’m indecisive.

There have been a few episodes in my life where I was decisive, where I conceived a plan and followed through. However, those episodes are few. Mostly, when I decide to be decisive, I am usually beaten back by someone who ‘knows better’, ‘has better ideas’, ‘makes better choices’. In that new light, and in fear, I gave up my decisive plans to avoid future ‘I told you so’ comments, ridicule, chastisement, criticism and condemnation.

I’ve been trying to combat this indecisiveness. When I need to make a decision and when I begin to follow through with that decision and when I feel myself back tracking that decision to evaluated another, maybe better, way of doing, I say to myself “make a decision and stick with it and be happy about it’.

For example, yesterday, I drive to liquor store. Recently, this liquor store, the closest one to the house, was acquired by new owners and their stock has become thin, at least, their stock on the stuff I want is a hit and miss, seek and not find adventure. So, I decided to drive to another liquor store several miles away. Of course, there are several ways to get to that liquor store. I quickly calculate the time requirement to get there (considering traffic lights, stop signs and traffic volume) and then consider going to other liquor stores that are just as far away yet may be easier to get to. Of course, the variables in this decision are many, how much traffic do I need to fight with, will I hit green lights on the way there, there are other liquor stores further away and with less traffic lights to stop at, and the list goes on.

Thankfully, in this instance, I said to myself, “F this, just make a decision and be happy about it no matter how long it takes to get there and get back home”. So, I did. I waited in traffic, drove with traffic, stopped at red lights, eventually made it there, bought the stuff and drove home.

I find it amusing that a late 50s overweight twice divorced man that I am still has trouble with indecisiveness. But, thankfully, at least I was decisive on this single decision.

I wonder if clouds are decisive? They seem to go where and how they want.
Nikon W300 time lapse by Dave O on April 15, 2021 from an Indianapolis, Indiana suburb. Facing southwest about 2:42 pm.

Look Alive

I don’t understand why I get so anxious about ‘work’. It’s not only ‘work for pay’ but ‘work in general’. I don’t believe I work hard enough, long enough, intense enough to earn the salary. I don’t believe I work hard enough, long enough or intense enough here at home and elsewhere for no salary.

I would guess it was the childhood. If, I could blame it on those formative years for the anxiety I feel now. In those years, you were dubbed worthless if you weren’t working at something. Usually, that mean following the Man with the Gold around as he worked on his projects and my brothers and I cleaned up after him. I had an early morning paper route since elementary school and fast food jobs in high school. I don’t believe I was lazy but I always seemed to be on ‘the clock’ and not doing enough. Cutting the yard was the ultimate task, usually done several times a week, fighting with my brothers as to who cut and who bags. I always felt like I got the short end. I worked while they played.

“Look alive” was one of his catch phrases. Usually said when you were not doing the work quick enough for his preference. At one time, he claimed that if a person was sitting down he was worthless, even at social functions. So, my brothers and I stood up a lot during Christmas and other holidays.

As a late 50s grown ass adult I should be over this shit by now. But, I’m not. I get overly anxious if I am not ‘doing something productive’. If I’m sitting at the computer I need to be productive in some way, either coding in Javascript, working on a graphic project, typing an email, just something to avoid watching You Tube. If I’m not sitting at the computer I need to be doing a DIY project, cutting the yard, killing weeds, painting something. Laying in bed watching You Tube isn’t productive by any definition.

Normal people would not feel this way about themself. Ugh.

Time Lapse of Cloud Flow. Looking southeast. Nikon W300 time lapse taken on April 9, 2021 by Dave O.

A New Camera?

It may be time for a new camera.

The Man of Gold gave the Nikon D600 to me in 2014. It is a fantastic camera, takes good photos, has a time lapse feature, a little on the heavy side. I’ve taken a lot of photos with it. Before the D600 came into my life I had a Nikon D70. The D70 was a great camera too, not as featured as the D600.

My first camera was a Kodak Pocket Instamatic 110 mm film camera. This was in the early 1970s. There was a local Hooks Drug store where I left the film to be processed. It took weeks to return the prints. I remember using a Brownie camera at one point in my elementary youth. It exposed 120 mm film

The Man of Gold helped me buy a Minolta X-370 in 1984. It was a 35 mm film camera. Unlike cameras in today’s world, the Minolta was fully manual.

The D600 is a great camera. I have no issues with it other than its weight. Add a heavy lens to it and it weighs even more! One of my fears in the use of the D600 is the mechanical shutter. Not that the shutter is faulty but with the time lapse videos I enjoy creating, it reduces the life span of the shutter. This is most likely a misplaced fear and maybe I should start using the D600 as a time lapse camera again.

Time lapse of the Mountain peaks in the Sangre de Cristo Range overlooking Crestone, Colorado.
Nikon D600 time lapse taken on August 2, 2018 by Dave O.

Time to Move On

Since the early 1990s the lake front Cabin on Cordry Lake in Brown County Indiana was part of the family. It was passed to my brothers and I.

The Cabin was a source of great fun and some hard times, During my time with Nikki, it was a great place to raise the our ‘lake’ kids.

Now, it’s not the best of places. Attitudes that persist have made it extremely difficult to recover those times with Nikki. Some people say that ‘things change’ but apparently these attitudes can’t. So, after much internal turmoil and struggle, it is time to close this chapter and move on.

Yes, I’ve failed to give my kids and grandkids that which some can give and was given to me. But again, those attitudes prevent it. And, I’m too weak to fight against the total control some people need to have so it is time to move on.

Time Lapse video of Cordry Lake. Video taken on June 6, 2020 with the Nikon W300 by Dave O.