My Current Mile

My current mile hasn’t been all that great. Maybe downright hard. Such a struggle. I’m pathetic.

To put things in perspective … I’m not homeless, nor am I starving. The furnace is working. The car has started in the cold. The government is not repressing my political, social or religious beliefs. I have a job. I’m relatively healthy.

So, in all reality, I’m doing better than a lot of people in the world.

But why are things so hard. Why am I depressed? Why such a struggle?

It’s an interesting question. The narcissist office mates would say to ‘just’ get over it. Move on. Overcome.

Certainly wise counsel. Could apply to most if not all circumstances for most if not all people.

But, still, it’s a struggle for me.

What Have I been Doing?

Nothing much. Being depressed. Can’t seem to shake it off. I’ve gain so much weight. I stopped running. My blood pressure is too high (140/99 on average). Did I say I was depressed. My resting pulse was in the 80s this morning.

What Can I Do?

With the advent of the new year, I have decided to take some kind of action. I need to change something. I want to lose some weight. I want to get back to running, walking, exercising. Cut back on the food intake and stop the drinking. Use the Planet Fitness membership.

Any Bright Spots in the Last Year?

There has been one or two bright moments in otherwise a dull and bleek 2016.

The first moment came in early December as I finished a true round of paintings. Maybe my first actual artistic creation. Other than weaving the canvas, growing the pine or manufacturing the paint, I drip painted a set of ‘real’ paintings. I call it the “November Collection 2016”. I hung a few in the house and gave a few away. It was quite the sense of accomplishment as I stretched the canvas I painted over the frames I built.

The second … well, I can’t really remember.

What Am I Going to Do?

I need to shake off this depression. Probably need to change the self talk. Should ignore the narcissist rants from a few raging narcissists in the office. Track an exercise goal, lose weight, paint more.

Take a few small steps. Lose a pound a week for 2017 to get back to my goal weight. Maybe sign up for Weight Watchers as that was successful when I was on the program. Exercise more. Eat less. Read more. Blog more. Pray more.

image_novembercollection2016

The November Collection 2016

Saturday … Saturday

So … I was able to get to Planet Fitness this morning. Thankfully the car started.

Yesterday morning, when it was about 3°F outside, the car didn’t start and I had to call for a ride just to get to work. I was certain it was the battery as it’s been about 5 years since I’ve replace it. Later than evening, when it warmed up to about 20°F, I was able to take out the old battery, find another ride to the auto parts store, buy a new battery and then install it. And … it worked. The little 2000 Honda Civic started on the first crank. I’m not a mechanic by any means so when I can do something successful to the car (other than filling up the gas tank) it’s been a great day!

Thankfully little red Honda started on the first crank this morning! It was about 14°F. Yay. So I found myself at Planet Fitness about 8:15 am to work out on the treadmill. I put in 5 miles (about 700 calories burned) and lifted a little weight afterwards and called it a successful workout. It’s been a long time since I put in 5 miles on a treadmill and it was a refreshing run. Although I would rather be running outside there is just too much snow and ice on the streets to safely run outside today.

I’m sure that I’ll be using the Planet Fitness facility in the next few days. The weather man is calling for sub-zero “high” temperatures and dangerous wind chills. In that regard, I’m bless that the old battery bit the dust before this winter storm hits. Now I have a fresh new battery. And, don’t forget the 8-13 inches of fresh snow he says will blanket the area in the next day! Sub-zero temperatures and a foot of snow … what a great winter!

This is the fourth day of my 2014 Restart and I’ve been faithful to the program, counting the calories and staying on the exercise. And, best of all, I haven’t had a beer (even though I want one or two or three or more). I remind myself that this month is “No Beer January” and since I’ve told several people at the office and the blogging world, I really need be faithful and stay away from the beer. So far … so good.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Stay warm!

Hello 2014!

I am glad to see 2013 end. It was not my best year. Even so, I’m happy for a fresh start in 2014. Maybe 2014 will be a great year. So, this is the time of year where it’s expected to set new goals and resolutions for the next year. So here goes …

I started 2013 on a roll with a weight loss/calorie counting effort and eventually got down to a goal weight of 155 pounds. But, shortly afterwards I fell off the wagon and lost my focus and by the end of the year I had regained much of the weight. Geez. How hopeless.

My domestic life has taken a tailspin that I’m not sure how to come out of. Not that the details are necessary but I can say that I need to redefine my vision and expectation of marriage (again). This item has been the hardest to deal with and I deal with it by drinking too much beer! Maybe I’ll blog more about it later.

I lost about two months of running time in July and August because I was having chest pains and couldn’t breathe. After several trips to the hospital and doctor offices and several thousands of dollars later … they don’t know what happened to me.

The Positive Highlights of 2013 are :

  • I finished a half marathon. It wasn’t a great finish at 2:40 but at least I limped along and finished!
  • My son graduated from college.
  • My daughter graduated from high school.

So, what’s in store for 2014?

Of course, I want to lose weight. I always want to lose weight and control my eating. I know I can do it as I’ve proven it many times in the past. This time, I want to CHANGE what happens after I achieve a goal weight and maintain the weight loss instead of regaining it again.

I plan on running and racing more … or at least showing up for a “race” and participating. I’m not a bona fide contender. I’m a mid-to-back runner. I just enjoy being involved although I’m always run solo as I don’t have any family or friends who enjoy running as I do. Running is my one true athletic passion.

I plan on being more creative (again). If there is any highlight of 2013 is that I finally broke out of this artist funk that’s held me captive for years. I decided to stop listening to the voices in my head that said I couldn’t draw or paint good enough to be worth the effort to draw or paint. So, I said “screw you” (forgive my language) to those voices and bought paint and canvas and painted my first abstract drip painting. I’ve finished about a dozen paintings in 2013 and I plan to continue in 2014. In addition, I would like to develop my skill at short story writing. Believe it or not, way back in high school (late 70’s) I wanted to be a novelist. I would like to rediscover that passion.

So, here are my goals in 2014 …

  • lose weight keep it off so that on December 31, 2014 I weigh in at 155.
  • continue to run and exercise … run at least 4-6 times a week and race at least once a month. At least two mini Marathons in 2014.
  • continue to be creative … with my abstract drip paintings but also write at least one short story.

There are other things that I would like to do in 2014 related to my three resolutions. For example, I’m trying to plan a trip to the Rocky Mountain National Park to climb Long’s Peak. To do that adventure, I really need to lose some weight and get into better shape. And, if I can pull off that adventure, it will be my first time to climb a Colorado 14er. I would like to run across the Golden Gate Bridge too.

I also would like to develop my “professional” skill set and learn the jQuery and JavaScript languages. Believe it or not, maintaining a skill set in front-end and back-end web development is hard work. I’m a 50-year-old developer and there are thousands of young graduates that would love to over take me. So, I need to work hard to stay ahead or stay with the curve. Otherwise, I’ll be left in their dust on the side of the road.

So, that’s it for me and my review of 2013 and outlook for 2014. I hope that everyone has a great end to 2013 and a fresh start to 2014. God Bless and stay running.