Happy 2018

Happy 2018.

I’ve been in a funk. It started about April – May of 2017. I wasn’t able to get out of it. I’m still in it as 2018 begins. But, hopefully, maybe I can climb out (or roll out) of it in 2018.

At least that is a hope. A New Year’s hope.

Depression is a grievous companion. I can’t seem to shake it. The 20 mg of Paxil takes the edge off. But, it doesn’t take it away.

My Post Nikki life hasn’t been all that great. Thankfully, there hasn’t been any tragedies but the zest for life isn’t there.

This morning, the first work day of 2018, I have to listen to an office narcissist talk about the major and minor details of his 2017 European Christmas/New Years vacation. I have to listen to him brag how impressed the backwards Europeans were with his American winkle.

Geez.

Anyways, I do have a semblance of a plan for 2018.

  • Get back into calorie counting.
  • Exercise more.
  • Blog more.
  • Teach myself to draw
  • Paint more
  • Reduce the amount of Diet Mountain Dew I drink
  • Increase the amount of water I drink

Anyways, I wish everyone a great 2018.

My Current Mile

My current mile hasn’t been all that great. Maybe downright hard. Such a struggle. I’m pathetic.

To put things in perspective … I’m not homeless, nor am I starving. The furnace is working. The car has started in the cold. The government is not repressing my political, social or religious beliefs. I have a job. I’m relatively healthy.

So, in all reality, I’m doing better than a lot of people in the world.

But why are things so hard. Why am I depressed? Why such a struggle?

It’s an interesting question. The narcissist office mates would say to ‘just’ get over it. Move on. Overcome.

Certainly wise counsel. Could apply to most if not all circumstances for most if not all people.

But, still, it’s a struggle for me.

What Have I been Doing?

Nothing much. Being depressed. Can’t seem to shake it off. I’ve gain so much weight. I stopped running. My blood pressure is too high (140/99 on average). Did I say I was depressed. My resting pulse was in the 80s this morning.

What Can I Do?

With the advent of the new year, I have decided to take some kind of action. I need to change something. I want to lose some weight. I want to get back to running, walking, exercising. Cut back on the food intake and stop the drinking. Use the Planet Fitness membership.

Any Bright Spots in the Last Year?

There has been one or two bright moments in otherwise a dull and bleek 2016.

The first moment came in early December as I finished a true round of paintings. Maybe my first actual artistic creation. Other than weaving the canvas, growing the pine or manufacturing the paint, I drip painted a set of ‘real’ paintings. I call it the “November Collection 2016”. I hung a few in the house and gave a few away. It was quite the sense of accomplishment as I stretched the canvas I painted over the frames I built.

The second … well, I can’t really remember.

What Am I Going to Do?

I need to shake off this depression. Probably need to change the self talk. Should ignore the narcissist rants from a few raging narcissists in the office. Track an exercise goal, lose weight, paint more.

Take a few small steps. Lose a pound a week for 2017 to get back to my goal weight. Maybe sign up for Weight Watchers as that was successful when I was on the program. Exercise more. Eat less. Read more. Blog more. Pray more.

image_novembercollection2016

The November Collection 2016

Welcome Twenty Sixteen

Welcome to 2016. Happy New Year.

When I awoke this morning the sun was bright and I felt a glimpse of hope and assurance and warmth. However, the grey overcast has rolled in and everything is cast of shadows of grey and cold.

Hopefully the sun and warmth will come back.

I ran 6.2 miles yesterday, on New Years Eve. My goal was to go for 5 miles but my ego wanted to finish out the year and month with a 10K. My total time was 1:01:00 for an average pace of 9:49. Not too bad for an overweight old man on a cold blustery New Years eve.

And, it is hard to image that on June 22, 2015, just over six months ago, I could hardly run for 90 seconds at a time. At that time, I couldn’t image running a 10K.

I was asked what are my resolutions for Twenty Sixteen. I thought I would list them here. Maybe on December 31, 2016 we can look back and see how successful I am in following through.

  • Write a short story.
  • Lose weight to the 155 pound goal
  • Run 2 mini marathons and maybe a third
  • Run in a staged event every month
  • Continue working on new drip paintings

That would pretty much conclude the list. I know it isn’t extensive but it’s good enough for me. Of course, I will continue to work on other things that could be put on the list.

  • Pay down the debt load … I paid off two loans this year (the boat and Jacob’s dental work but still have much more debt.
  • Keep a better attitude at work … I can’t pay down the debt if I don’t have a job so I better start watching my attitude and mouth before they show me the door.
  • Stay out of the crippling depression … which mingles its tentacles throughout my bad attitude at work.
  • Keep running and exercising, maybe going back to the gym for resistance training … exercise certainly does help the bad attitudes.
  • Maybe jump into a Zumba or Cross Fit class … that would be fun!
  • Brush my teeth every day (I do that anyways but just wanted to mention it)
  • Buy new running shoes.

Hopefully I will start Twenty Sixteen with a run. But, last night’s celebration is still with me. I suppose if I was a real runner I wouldn’t have indulged in last night’s celebration and would be reporting a new PR in a New Year’s Resolution Run and posting swag photos. I suppose that is why I’m not a real runner.

But, anyways, I sending new year wishes to everyone for a blessed, improving and progressing Twenty Sixteen.