Do I Care Anymore?

I don’t know. I mean, yes, I do care about the Company. I care about the people who work here (most of them). I care if the Company goes under these people will be unemployed and have families to feed, will need to look for new jobs. I care about the heart ache and hurt that will bring.

With the exception of two years, my career has been working for this Company. I’ve work on the shop floor and in the office. I’ve been hourly and salary. So, yes, I care about the Company.

Although I would have thought things would have play out differently, it hasn’t. I was certainly delusional in that regard, thinking family came first. But nepotism is a bad word yet it thrives here. I was on the wrong side of it.

So, I don’t care about the Company now. Or do I? If the Company sinks then I am out of a job. I’m too old to compete with the current generation graduating college in the world of web development.

But since I wasn’t one of the chosen few and have been just an employee for my entire career with nothing to bank on except empty promises, I don’t care.

Maybe it is more a defense mechanism. I’m protecting myself from future let down. Obviously my expectations were misplaced. Do I not care by having expectations? Or do I care since I had expectations?

I do care about my work performance, that it is up to Company expectations. It dips below my own personal expectation at times but the Company gives no feedback as to performance so it is easy to assume whatever you are putting out is good enough.

I’m sad to say that I don’t care anymore.

Figure drawing effort on June 18, 2021.
Figure drawing effort on June 18, 2021.

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