On Being Indecisive

I have been indecisive my entire life. In the mundane things and in the greater things. Maybe it holds me back and has held me back but none-the-less, I’m indecisive.

There have been a few episodes in my life where I was decisive, where I conceived a plan and followed through. However, those episodes are few. Mostly, when I decide to be decisive, I am usually beaten back by someone who ‘knows better’, ‘has better ideas’, ‘makes better choices’. In that new light, and in fear, I gave up my decisive plans to avoid future ‘I told you so’ comments, ridicule, chastisement, criticism and condemnation.

I’ve been trying to combat this indecisiveness. When I need to make a decision and when I begin to follow through with that decision and when I feel myself back tracking that decision to evaluated another, maybe better, way of doing, I say to myself “make a decision and stick with it and be happy about it’.

For example, yesterday, I drive to liquor store. Recently, this liquor store, the closest one to the house, was acquired by new owners and their stock has become thin, at least, their stock on the stuff I want is a hit and miss, seek and not find adventure. So, I decided to drive to another liquor store several miles away. Of course, there are several ways to get to that liquor store. I quickly calculate the time requirement to get there (considering traffic lights, stop signs and traffic volume) and then consider going to other liquor stores that are just as far away yet may be easier to get to. Of course, the variables in this decision are many, how much traffic do I need to fight with, will I hit green lights on the way there, there are other liquor stores further away and with less traffic lights to stop at, and the list goes on.

Thankfully, in this instance, I said to myself, “F this, just make a decision and be happy about it no matter how long it takes to get there and get back home”. So, I did. I waited in traffic, drove with traffic, stopped at red lights, eventually made it there, bought the stuff and drove home.

I find it amusing that a late 50s overweight twice divorced man that I am still has trouble with indecisiveness. But, thankfully, at least I was decisive on this single decision.

I wonder if clouds are decisive? They seem to go where and how they want.
Nikon W300 time lapse by Dave O on April 15, 2021 from an Indianapolis, Indiana suburb. Facing southwest about 2:42 pm.

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