It was hard to stay alive over the past weekend (March 26 – 18). First, the Closing, then the Deposit. Wrestling with feelings of failure, worthlessness. Then, I buy materials to work on a DIY project and start to feel better. Then a Text that makes my level of worth drop by 2.5% and my future worthlessness will drop by whatever the expenses and market value is on that Day. Ah, the Last Laugh.
I stayed up till 2:30 am Monday morning (3/29) typing out an email in response to a response to a rather flagrant text I sent. I probably should not have sent the text. Probably should have stayed quiet. Let the dust settle and move on. But, I felt misunderstood and wanted a voice.
And that is it for me. It’s no use. They won’t understand, can’t understand. I’m tired of feeling like the bad guy, the unhinged guy for raising an objection, a different point of view, expressing what I want and need. I’m 58 years old. Geez. It won’t ever stop.
I hope that I don’t talk to, communicate, exchange further emails or text with them. Probably will have to see them face-to-face at some point in the future but hopefully that won’t happen for a long time.
I don’t believe I’ve ever came across the phrase “the last laugh” in my personal relationships. That phrase seems so vindictive, as though one has absolute power to laugh at you and you don’t. Ok. Well said. Please laugh. Can’t understand me but you can laugh.