I wonder how the Man will stand at the Judgement? At this moment, he stands as the Judge with the last laugh. I wonder if he realizes there is an even bigger Judge than he?
Strangely, I felt like Adam in Genesis Chapter 3. Although the Lord did listen to Adam before He pronounced Judgement, I wasn’t given any opportunity when the Man with the Gold pronounced his judgement. It was quick, effective and cleanly sliced through my body and soul. I wonder if Adam felt that way.
Of course, both judgements are warranted. I won’t argue that. But it’s the pain that really hurts and lingers. Maybe festers.
A wise friend said the string of this judgement will fade in time. That comforted me and gave me some hope that maybe next month or next year will be better. And, I believe I will be better in the long run for my decision to sell. Just did not expect such a scathing final slicing judgement from the Man with the Gold.
Thankfully, the final judgement will be conducted by the Final Judge. It will be a right and correct judgement.
I can understand his frustration and anger. So I can understand the need to have the “last laugh”. Reducing future inheritance because of a current decision I made to (hopefully) maintain and (hopefully) improve my mental state is the price I must pay.
As a straight financial transaction I can understand. The one brother took on more financial stress and future expense due to my decision. Reducing inheritance to cover his current financial burden is probably fair.
Although it’s a price I didn’t (but should have) expected to pay. As a straight financial transaction the brother was eager to take that load and will most likely benefit in the future as the market rises. The current expenses are just a cost of ownership he choose to enter into.
But, it probably isn’t fair on some sort of level to him. The man with the gold believes it isn’t fair and thus punishes me.
The “last laugh” comment haunts me. It drips with strings, attachments and exceptions and vindication I was unaware of yet should have been aware of since history proves this could and most likely would occur. The rear view mirror is telling me “I told you so” as I probably shouldn’t have entered into this ‘agreement’ when it first came up years ago. I went against my gut feeling at that time.
I wasn’t strong enough to stand back at that time. I thought attitudes and things would change. Some things did change and were blessed but the one thing I wanted changed is what I am punished for and will be laughed on that future date.
I wonder what the next ‘last laugh’ will be. If I make a misstep in the future will there be a last laugh judgement on me. If I violate an unspoken rule he has set will he laugh. Maybe I will be laughed at because of some belief I hold? It is just hard to walk through life not knowing what wrong you are doing until the laugh track is played.
It was hard to stay alive over the past weekend (March 26 – 18). First, the Closing, then the Deposit. Wrestling with feelings of failure, worthlessness. Then, I buy materials to work on a DIY project and start to feel better. Then a Text that makes my level of worth drop by 2.5% and my future worthlessness will drop by whatever the expenses and market value is on that Day. Ah, the Last Laugh.
I stayed up till 2:30 am Monday morning (3/29) typing out an email in response to a response to a rather flagrant text I sent. I probably should not have sent the text. Probably should have stayed quiet. Let the dust settle and move on. But, I felt misunderstood and wanted a voice.
And that is it for me. It’s no use. They won’t understand, can’t understand. I’m tired of feeling like the bad guy, the unhinged guy for raising an objection, a different point of view, expressing what I want and need. I’m 58 years old. Geez. It won’t ever stop.
I hope that I don’t talk to, communicate, exchange further emails or text with them. Probably will have to see them face-to-face at some point in the future but hopefully that won’t happen for a long time.
I don’t believe I’ve ever came across the phrase “the last laugh” in my personal relationships. That phrase seems so vindictive, as though one has absolute power to laugh at you and you don’t. Ok. Well said. Please laugh. Can’t understand me but you can laugh.
Since the early 1990s the lake front Cabin on Cordry Lake in Brown County Indiana was part of the family. It was passed to my brothers and I.
The Cabin was a source of great fun and some hard times, During my time with Nikki, it was a great place to raise the our ‘lake’ kids.
Now, it’s not the best of places. Attitudes that persist have made it extremely difficult to recover those times with Nikki. Some people say that ‘things change’ but apparently these attitudes can’t. So, after much internal turmoil and struggle, it is time to close this chapter and move on.
Yes, I’ve failed to give my kids and grandkids that which some can give and was given to me. But again, those attitudes prevent it. And, I’m too weak to fight against the total control some people need to have so it is time to move on.
Time Lapse video of Cordry Lake. Video taken on June 6, 2020 with the Nikon W300 by Dave O.
Wednesday evenings have become my favorite evening of the week. Wednesday is the day new comics are released into the wild and Wednesday evening is the time I can attend the Comic Book University and buy new issues.
This week, I bought :
Detective Comics #1034
Vampirella versus Purgatori #1
Three comics are new releases. The Nightwing #73 is a back issue. Of course, I’m drawn to the scantly dressed female vampires in Vampirella versus Purgatori. Batman’s Detective Comics are a staple and the Nightwing story is a good one to follow. The Crossover title is a new series that I wanted to get in on the ground floor.
I woke up this morning with a hangover. It’s been months, maybe over seven months since I’ve had a hangover. I woke up feeling jittery and weak with a slight headache.
Last night, I hit the Peanut Butter Whisky bottle. I had, maybe, six shots in a two hour period on an empty stomach. I knew I was finished with the last shot. Thankfully, I didn’t black out. My last episode with the hard stuff (Cinnamon Vodka) in the Summer 2020 resulted in some lost time.
In the recent past, I would have the beer, plenty of beer on a work night and wake up hungover and struggled to work through the day in a haze. It was awful but while drinking the beer the world was a better place. I stayed away from the hard stuff because beer did the trick for me at that time.
Since the appendix surgery, I’ve stay off the beer. The other surgeries soon follow (detached retina and abscess) and I still stayed away from beer. For some reason, beer doesn’t have the same flare it once did for me. I’ve only started on the hard stuff as to experiment and see what kind of liquors and spirits I like as I can find the better world world again. But, last night, was an over indulgence and I would like to avoid that in the future.
Interesting short novel published in 1940 by Adolfo Bioy Casares. This Wikipedia article says this little novel was Casares’ breakout effort.
I became aware of this title after ready this article which summarized the story as a guy who falls in love with a girl from afar on a tropical paradise. I was interested in how the guy captures the heart of the girl and if they lived happily ever after.
While the summary was faithful to the basics of the story, the story was deeper than a guy’s lust for love of a beautiful beach goddess. While the story is about the guy’s love for the beautiful beach girl it is more about his final realization that he can never love her in reality.
I would say the antagonist is Morel. Although his invention brings the Guy and his Love (her name is Faustine) together it is Morel who believes he is the true love of Faustine and so devises a way to keep them together for all eternity.
The story reminded me of this girl I met in collage. She was beautiful, smart, thin, shorter than myself, conversational with long hair she kept in a pony tail. She was quirky in a way that excited me. We became friends while in college but that is as far as it went as she was engaged and later married. I haven’t talked to her in over thirty years. She is my Faustine.
The novel also reminded me of Elton John’s song “Love Her Like Me” from his “Songs from the West Coast” CD.
It’s been a few years since my last road trip to Southeastern Colorado in 2018. This year, in 2021, I may road trip to Geographical Center of the United States in Belle Fourche, South Dakota with a side excursion to Devil’s Tower. On the way to South Dakota I may stop at the Tri Point and the Corner. On the drive home, I may swing by Rugby, North Dakota to stand at the Geographical Center of North America.
Although, Pierre, South Dakota once claimed to be the Geographical Center of North America. And, the Hanson’s Bar in Robinson, North Dakota now claims the fame of the Center.
It appears that no one really knows where the Center of North America is. The “goal post moves” is probably the best way to describe it as different people and organizations and cities determine what rules apply. Kind of like families.
In 2015, on my first Epic Road Trip post Nikki, I stopped at Monument Rocks in western Kansas.
Today is the Last Day of Winter. At least according to the Farmer’s Almanac. It’s time to celebrate warmer weather, brighter and longer days. Hopefully the SAD is gone until the time Winter begins again.
For Year 2021, the Spring Equinox occurs at 5:37 AM on Saturday, March 20 in the northern Hemisphere.
I’ve notice the yard is starting to grow. So, it’s time to prepare the lawn mower to start cutting again. At the same time, lawn weeds are starting to grow. Last year, I make an executive decision to hire Lawn Pride to take care of the lawn weeds. Funny as it is, I take more pride in my lawn when it is free of weeds.
I’ve struggle to keep the dandelions, crab grass, violets and other common lawn weeds at bay. I’ve applied dry and liquid weed killer for years without much success. When I finally come to a sense that Lawn Pride has the secret knowledge to keep my lawn free of weeds I don’t mind giving them $80 per application eight times a year.
I worked with (and after he bought the company, for) a man who believed the yard should be free to grow whatever grows. He bragged about how he never lifted a finger to tame common lawn weeds and he mocked those who did. I never understood his logic but allowed him his beliefs and practice. Yet, for me, the yard is an extension of myself and I would like to do what I can to keep it free of weeds. Not always successful, of course, but hopefully my Lawn Pride will help.
In mid Summer of 2018, I embarked on a week long driving trek through southeast Colorado. One objective during that adventure was to spend time at the Great Sand Dunes National Park.
I expected a rather large sand pile. I did not understand the enormity of the scope of the rather large sand pile until I stood in front of it .
Like other people I walked to the closet, smallest sand hill where people where sand surfing. I took photos of other people walking through the sand to even greater heights among the ever shifting dunes. I, however, stayed close to the Visitors Center as not to over extend my overweight out-of-shape body.
There is a sand dunes national park in Indiana. Interestingly, it is call the Indiana Dunes National Park. I have never been there. Actually, I have never wanted to go there. I don’t know why. Maybe it is too far to drive the three hours it would take to get there. Yet, I’ll drive over a thousand miles just to spend a few hours walking through the sand in Colorado. So, I’ll need to put the Indiana Dunes on the list of Indiana places to see. If for any other reason is that I’ve lived in Indiana my entire life and yet have never made an effort to visit the only National Park in Indiana.